Rik “Fats” Waller (pictured listening to an mp3 of burgers frying) has been quiet of late. In fact he’s been fairly quiet since he wobbled away from ‘Celebrity Fit Club’ in tears after being shown a lettuce and reacting like a vampire to garlic. Surprisingly, he hasn’t had a stroke or major thrombosis and he still pounds the streets of London (and if you’ve ever noticed your coffee shuddering like a scene from ‘Jurassic Park’, then he’s probably in the same post code).
He was spotted last weekend in a kebab shop (according to a website) in Angel getting into an argument with a tiny bloke. And yes, it was over food. Well I can see it now.
Rik (who appears to have eaten the ‘c’ from the normal spelling of his name) was furious that the bloke in the queue after him got his kebab first, and took it upon himself to berate the unfortunate diner. It seems to have escaped Rik’s massive intellect that his order was taking a team of four to construct and was being watched by a team from the ‘Guinness Book Of Records’ for the ‘Largest Kebab For The Surliest Twat Around’ category.“So that’s one kebab in a wheely-bin sized pitta, three shaved lambs and a bucket of chili sauce. No salad. And a skip full of onion rings to tide you over until you reach the door. And just how the fuck will sir be paying for this?”
