RED DWARF: A Void

If this picture doesnt make you angry, then you won't understand my opinions. Stop reading NOW

Like some, I couldn't really care less about Red Dwarf. I remember watching it when I was younger and indeed enjoying it, but it was OK. I enjoyed the earlier seasons and had some surprisingly good story lines for a show aimed mainly at making the audiences laugh. The more modern seasons were pretty poor, but still kept the fans amused so fair play.

But here we are in 2009 with a special 3 episodes, bringing the crew back to earth and showing us that turd polish does have a shelf life.


First thing to notice is no laughter track. Now I've always hated that side of comedies, however it makes you realise that the jokes were only really funny when other people were laughing too. To hear Rimmer quip something and hear nothing in response from the audience was odd. It felt like it was waiting for me to provide the laughter, but unfortunately I couldn't.

The story is just dreadful. I mean for fuck sake, I'm sure this "comeback" has been in the pipes for the while, therefore why can't they get some decent writers on deck? It's like 3 retards threw a dice and each face had a possible story. Dimension/Present Day/Coronation Street. The third one surely was a joke, but I'll get to that later.

The show starts with a simple pan of Red Dwarf and re-introducing the main characters. Lister looks identical to how we remember, Cat keeps looking like an old woman and Rimmer had aged a fair bit. Kryten of course, fresh as a daisy. The usual banter between them remains somewhat the same, although the opening scene involving a tomato and snot angered me. Simply because A) it wasn't funny and B) it confused me. Perhaps with a laughter track it would have made me chuckle?

Poor Cat, not only does he look like a hairy prune but he has just been molested by a giant octopus. Which, get this, can travel through dimensions. Ok. Blah. They investigate and the creature ends up vanishing but leaving a serious plot hole in its wake (at the point of writing this I have not seen part 3), a female hologram, with a thick Russian accent appears, with no explanation WHAT SO EVER for her appearance, why is she russian and why is my head hurting? She takes charge and literally within minutes, is transporting the crew to earth of the year 2009. Hooray.

By this point my mind was turning to mush, I couldn't actually be fucked to find out the rest of the story, if any. So from the moment they appeared in a TV store, I skipped. I kept skipping until I saw Coronation Street on the screen then switched off.

What a waste of my fucking time and energy, both which could have been put to greater use, masturbating, eating ants, or urinating over my neighbours fence. Time, I can never get back!

It was awful; the story has NO fucking imagination, no charm. The characters are back, big deal and it just feels like the biggest cash-in I have ever seen. I mean seriously, Coronation fucking Street? Jesus wept. Talk about lazy.
As I mentioned, I haven't seen episode 3, so I assume Lister meets his counterpart from corrie? Either way its just plain lazy. Was he filming an episode that day and couldn't leave the area so had to film Red Dwarf on set? Because it felt like it.

The production values are allot better, but just wasted on a piss poor story. Gah, its worse than Dr Who and I still am waiting for a rebate on my license fee for that TV "show".

I know people will adore it, think it's the funniest thing in the world, but again, this is just MY opinion and I think it stinks. What a truckload of fuck. People are idiots, I would appreciate a more sophisticated joke or two. A smart humour like The Office. But seeing Kryten standing at a bus stop with glasses on does not a funny show make. Its lame, lazy and lacklustre. Lets hope this has put Red Dwarf to bed for good and leave it where it belongs, in our memories.

I can promise you something though with upmost sincerity. I shall not be watching part 3. Why? Because I have better things to do with my time, like sniff my underpants or stick a ketchup bottle up my arse.