In she comes and ready for a fight. What’s annoyed her? Prices gone up at Asda? Or her husband failed to honour her monthly fingering?
Nope, her washing machine repair man cannot fix her machine that day but must wait for parts. Wow. RED ALERT, bring back the fucking troops, Trowton’s washing machine (which might I add has not only to put up with her dirty draws but her daughters G-strings, her sons cologne soaked boxers and her husband’s banana hammocks) is fucked! This machine gets more of a pounding than a back alley prostitute.
So how does Sue repay her machine for the years of abuse? Well by punching the fuck out of it of course. I’m not joking, she actually smacks the washing machine. Why? I’m not so sure, but she broke some of the buttons on the front. This caused the previously mentioned washing machine problems. Wow, if only she had something to stop her smashing the holy shit out of the machine, then she wouldn’t need to fork out cash to get it repaired and melt my fucking ears off for 6 hours gobbing off about it all. How about A BRAIN!?
Rather than pay for an independent company to fix her machine, Sue takes a different approach. To reinstate her cover plan with Hotpoint. Which ran out. This will cost her £140 for a year, and she paid it. SHE PAID IT. Someone who will beat her own mother over the head with the nearest blunt object just to get a reduced item in Morrison’s, is willing to pay DOUBLE for extended warranty. Fuck it. Logic and reason was lost on her decades ago. I've given up trying to work her out.
Oh, and we heard about this “dilemma” alllllllll fucking day. Her cunt of a husband of course didn’t want to wait for the guy to fix it. Moneybags wanted to buy a new machine stating “you can pick one up for £200”. What? A washer-dryer? For £200? Are you a fucking idiot? By the way this guy earns about £50k year and delivers presentations at work. PRESENTATIONS!
He, as I have mentioned before, owns a BMW which to my knowledge has about a dozen miles on the clock and when the snow fell and the roads were fucked, he decided that then, THEN was the right time to take his beloved BMW out of hibernation and try to drive it to work, only to get stuck not even 20 meters from his house. A serious fucking idiot.
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